Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I Have a Pretty Consistant Way With My Coffee

Normally the level of sugar I put in a cup will rise and fall with the warmth of a given day.  In the cold season I take it completely black, mostly.  This morning however I awoke with a strange need to be coddled, so I filled my cup with three sugars even though a storm is coming and it's already damp.  Then I spent several hours drinking more while dressed in a sweater & socks sans underwear or pants, covering myself with a blanket while I looked out the window at the languidness of winter life.   This urge to be pampered is rare like I said but when it does come it has only ever been myself who has been able to satisfy it.  As a show of affection from someone else it simply carries too much weight, a presumption of the intimacy I have always despised.  The most ecstatic moments of my life have always come when I've had these long allotment of hours to myself, a feeling of wonder lightness and joy in being that I am not niether able or willing to share with another in any capacity.    I cannot now imagine any comfort in family, sexual partners or any other varient of 'US' that would ever be worth the cost of losing these times.  It pleases me to see the noise grime and fetid fecundity of Summer be gradually overwhelmed by the proper order of things. I am a Northerner. 

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