Thursday, August 21, 2014

There's A Woman I See About

A smoky look; Afro American I think though perhaps south Asian, thin yet curvy with perpetually somnolent eyes.  Yet it seems obvious that she already has a boyfriend. Alas. 

Why I share this publicly I don't know.  I've never 'believed' in love in the abstract sense.  Though I know it literally exists and I've felt it myself.  And I have never wanted 'a girlfriend' in the abstract.  I have never viewed marriage and children as even a remote theoretical possibility.  I have been completely cold to the idea always and angered whenever a family member spoke of "when" I'd be married as if it was of course the natural human default.  I am very suspicious of those who pursue strong passions, sexual or otherwise,  for the sake of having them or even will themselves into feeling them for the sake of feeling them.  I feel perfectly 'alive' enough idly thinking to myself and perhaps that's a problem though I don't think so. 

Still I have attractions.  I've had relationships that just sort of happened until they died out; freeing me to return to my comfortable norm of solitude.  There are women that I wanted and then either had or didn't and the odd man that I wasn't really attracted to per se but not repulsed by either and one does only live once, after all.  Yet while I say that I admit that I find sex generically pleasant and no better.  I don't find it transcendentally wonderful and on reflection now I realize that this is mainly because I do not want anything to be transcendentally wonderful.  I deplore the thought of any experience having such power over me, especially not if the experience requires another person and is not solely my own.  Take this for what you will.   

Monday, August 18, 2014

I'm Not Looking Forward to Football Season

Though At least I am now free from small-town men in bars and their-weirdly moralistic, manfully adamant for manful adamancies' sake analysis of the latest big game.  I've no greater hope than for the Cornhuskers to be blandly mediocre for so long that they cease to be viewed as intrinsic parts of Nebraska identity and the head football is paid in proportion to his actual value to society; maybe half of what a sociology GA makes if he's especially good. 

The solution to the recent controversy over paying players or not  is to completely abolish athletic scholarships and recruitment for every school of every size everywhere without exception.  If you want to keep football then form a team out of scratch from among actual student body; a pack of business, history, and computer science majors who have never touched a barbell running single wing sweeps on the common campus green space before an audience of dozens.  My God it could be beautiful.  At any rate the absurdly loud, vulgar, hyperbolic protofascist thing we call college sports today must for the good of humanity be destroyed, exterminated, annihilated and burned to its respective subatomic units of obnoxious bullshit.  The question of whether to replace it with something or nothing is a luxury that can wait. 

And my God but you should see the bougie knobheads that the football team brings to my town on fall weekends; clogging up my streets my neighborhood my bars and generally treating my beautiful city and its people like an amusement park.  It's enough to embitter the greatest saint. 


Thursday, August 14, 2014

A Story I tell Every now and Again

I'll be attending this event at the NE state capitol about an hour from now.    

When I think of how 'white privilege'  has benefited me directly; well, I sometimes speak of past occurrences when I would walk to the capitol straight from classes at the university, (It's only eight or nine blocks depending) with a backpack clearly bulging with... something or another; receiving no more than 'attaboy that thing sure looks heavy' jokes from capitol guards and every else who even bothered to mention anything.

Just thought you'd like to know.  Boom. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

No Justice No Peace is Self-Evident Common Sense

Looting Isn't cool or anything like that: and yet....

"The law' you see, does not exist as an abstract totem of moral authority to submit oneself to.  Nor are police officers the priestly representatives of this non-existent ideal.  Police are the passive agents of laws that other people make; no less and no more. If the promise of social deference or 'respect' played the slightest motive in one's pursuit of a law enforcement career, then one should not have been allowed to pursue a law enforcement career.  But I digress.

'The law' you see, only actually exists in as much as people gain from it materially.  This goes no less for the privileged than it does for the oppressed. If summery execution is the penalty for, as a matter of fact, obeying the law, then it is in no sense 'radical' but statement of objective fact to say that the law does not exist.  If a young black man or anyone else knows that the law's 'or else' is the only  consequence of anything he does or doesn't do, then of course the law doesn't exist. Why would it?  How could it? 

 As I said before I do deplore looting and chaos; up to a point.  I myself am no Marxist but merely Keynesian, no militant but merely liberal.  Yet if one finds the current looting in the St. Louis area to be 'outrageous' or what have you then please understand, among those who can expect summery execution for obeying the law respect for property cannot possibly exist; and again this is quite indisputable.  One has to be alive to own things. One has to be alive to enjoy or appreciate any level of wealth in any way.  And as of now as of our entire history so far our black compatriots, our neighbors throughout our national journey who have formed us as much as vice-versa, have no cause to reasonably expect that their lives will be protected.  Their lives are not being protected.  It's quite as simple as that. 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Well Shitty Shitty Shit.

I remember the disgrace of a ballot initiative that made gay marriage in Nebraska cooties no-tag backs double illegal.  It was 2000 and the first major election I was old enough to partake in.  You probably a couple other things from that one yourself; but anyway.

Yet even within the context of this law (and of course I'm in favor of legal gay marriage) I find this story very baffling.  Just what the hell is the trouble here? Sue Stroesser has decided to take her "roommate's' name then.  Better now?   

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Tip for Amatuer Erotic Writers

It's perfectly alright to build a fictional universe where your own proclivities are more common than in our world. That's a writer's prerogative.  But please still bear in mind that your fetish is perceived as a 'fetish' for a reason and that it simply won't do to build a world where every human alive of whatever cultural background or general orientation just happens to share your particular fetish.  This simply goes beyond a recognizable human credibility even if you build the most fantastic universe with rules wildly different from our own.   It cheapens your tale, you see; causes reader indifference.  People would be disinclined to keep up with the how and why of your climactic battle if they know it's just an excuse for another 20 page diversion into how much the emperor loves to rub himself off on the lower spines of miniaturized rat people.  Sometimes you need to step back and allow your characters some autonomy of will. It makes everything better.    

Monday, August 4, 2014

I Remember

As I recall it was either late fall or early winter.  I know it was Sunday night because I was at O'Rourke's having one of their cheap but serviceable bloody Mary's.  This is not a ritual of mine per se but rather something I may or may not do based on being truly hungover and especially if I had something savory or spicy for dinner that day.  Anyway I was here in this day smoking in the streetfront cube where I met a man who'd come up from Texas for some kind of contract work.  He saw me drinking alone and accosted me for rambling Texas banter.  I told him that I noticed the distinct Texan of his accent and he replied rather defensively that 'it's Southern!'  I suggested otherwise at no point at all though I meant that I had his accent pegged for north Texas/Oklahoma in particular; Southern watered down by Great Plains flatcent influences. 

He made a point of hitting on the blond pony-tailed waitress at O'Rourke's; the quiet one with the probable husband/boyfriend who works at the Zoo.  I've 'known' her for near a decade now and I've may have heard her name before or maybe not as I'm quiet too.  Anyway he clearly made her uncomfortable though she must have built some protective callus against such jackassitude by now. Eventually I managed to not-too-roughly get away from him myself; and while I know it's wrong to stereotype anyone; even when it comes to assuming that all white Texans are loutish obnoxious dudebros; the fact remains that this particular one.....

Well I guess he caused no real harm.