Mark Driscoll on Proper Christian Masturbation

• Question #1 – Can you masturbate without lusting (Job 31:1) 
•   I suppose, I mean, there was this one time I was just really bored and not really aroused at all. 
• Question #2 – Can you masturbate in a way that builds oneness with your spouse, pulling you together more intimately through the act (Gen. 2:24)?
• Well, sure, I suppose you could, if you wanted to.  Though if you're already having sex with no one except that one person for ten, twenty, forty years, why the hell would you want to?  I would guess that married people who masturbate are seeking some level of personal distance from their spouses, and this is a perfectly good thing.  If they fantasize about having sex with someone besides their spouse,  well it's better than doing it for real, wouldn't you agree pastor? 
• Question #3 – Can you masturbate without experiencing shame (Gen. 2:24)?
• Yes, very easily. 
• Question #4 – Can you masturbate with a clear conscience (Titus 1:15)?
• See above answer.  I mean it's exactly the same fucking question man. There's such a thing as rhetorical masturbation you know.  
• Question #5 – Can you masturbate without capitulating to the cravings of your sinful desires and thoughts (Eph. 2:3)?
• What does that even mean?  Capitulating?   Indulgence is surrender?  Pleasure is defeat?  Your ideas of what's right and wrong about sex and pleasure seem more Roman than Christian.  This idea that there is nothing in life that isn't a test of discipline, it's pretty fucked up.  Jesus was a pretty fun-loving guy, you know.  I never bought the idea that he never got his rocks off with Magdalene or whoever else.