Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Meanwhile, In Nebraska

There's a proposal in the Unicam to, more or less, command people to kill Prairie Dogs on their property. 

It does not, mind you, grant us the liberty to kill prairie dogs.  We already have that.  Everyone, from anywhere, is free to slaughter as many prairie dogs as they like wherever they find them however they see fit.  And this is a liberty that has been passionately defended from legions of strawman hippies and phantom enviromentalists. 

The hatred that farmers and ranchers have for prairie dogs is hard to believe even if you live among them and see it for yourself.  The creatures do cause them legitimate business problems, truth be told.  They can carve up a pasture, and grass is of no small value.  Cows can and do step into the holes, break their legs, and be beyond any help or 'salvage' by the time the owner makes his way to that part of his vast holdings and discovers the ailment. 

This is a bad economic hit for the rancher, and not so fun for the cow either, still.  Still I think the level of genocidal all-caps HATE for the prairie dog goes a good deal beyond that.  One can and will lose several head of cattle a year to storm, blizzard, contagion, etc every year, after all.  Living off the land requires accepting oneself as subject to the vicissitudes of nature, and here I think is where the real source of this rodentary blood lust lies.  These people are for the large part landowners who have been raised in a culture which glorifies land ownership, and are therefore very, very, very disinclined to accept themselves as subject to anything.  These vicissitudes of nature are a deeply resented reminder that property is a legal construction that does not convey one with any spiritual Lordship over whatever a piece of paper says is his.   Generally there is little to be done about these  reminders.  You can't shoot a blizzard or a tornado, but God damn can you ever shoot a prairie dog.

And now this rage against the dirt dog and wverything it represents has reached the point where property rights could potentially be violated.  How to explain this contradiction?  Double think of course, and Ted Turner.  Turner has for many years been buying up large chunks of land for the sake of preserving them.  And of course it goes without saying that preservation is very evil.  Earth is a woman for real men to fuck and there is no other valid thing to do with it.  Everyone knows that.  Worst of all Turner has bought some land for the expressly stated purpose of preserving the hated Prairie Dog.  So now here comes this bill to teach him and other outsiders a lesson.  In Nebraska we kill prarie dogs and that's it.  Understand?   And surely this won't actually violate any real Nebraskans property rights, because of course every real Nebraskan wants to kill any prairie dog he sees.  It's only people who aren't from Nebraska, like some hot-shot Hollywood actor, or Omaha insurance agent, who could possibly objest to this.  So they'll be no trouble, surely. 

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